August transfer, here we come!

Shady Grove called me with some dates yesterday for our next cycle! I will start Lupron on July 17th (the day after I turn 27!) and stop the pill on July 19th. I should start my period around the 23rd, have my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork on the 24th, then a lining check on Aug 7th, M's retrieval should be on the 11th, and then our transfer will be somewhere between Aug 13 and 15. It seems SO far away, but at least we have some sense of direction now!

So in the meantime I am just hanging out on birth control pills and waiting patiently.

I know I've been quiet lately, but after the chemical there just hasnt been anything to talk about. I went to Memphis by myself on Thursday and stayed through Sunday night. I had such a great time with my friends while I was down there. A vacation was exactly what I needed. But it was good to get home and see my boys. They all missed me very much.

Ian is in sports camp this week...Mon - Fri from 9am to 12pm each day. He is learning soccer, basketball, and baseball. He gets a t-shirt, a basketball, and a trophy after the tournament on Friday. His coach told me that Ian hasn't been listening very well and he seems to have a short attention span. A father standing nearby said "Yeah, well he's a boy!" I thought that was funny but its so true. Ian is so interested in everything around him that he cant pay full attention when he needs to. I hope this isnt a precursor to him having ADD or something. While he's at camp Quinn and I get to spend some good time together so that has been nice.

We've all been spending a lot of time outdoors which has been good for all of us. It keeps me off the internet all day and the boys get some exercise. I just wish the mosquitoes wouldn't have come out...they must like the way I taste. =(

Well thats all for now. Just wanted to update since it has been a while and I finally have an update to tell.

Oh the cramps!

I've been waiting for this day to arrive, but now that its here I just want it to go away!

My last period didn't have cramps like these. It was NOTHING like this. Has it been 4 hours since my last dose of Aleve? I need some serious pain relief, now! complain, complain, complain

Thank you for the comments on my previous entries. It really helps to have people *in this* with me, no matter where you're at compared to myself. This whole experience has been like a whirlwind so far, and now to have this calmness and period of rest will just rejuvenate me for the next go-round.

Now, back to the medicine cabinet...

Better today

I'm feeling much better today. I had an emotional moment yesterday but I'm fine now. Tomorrow is the quarterly surrogate support group meeting and I was hoping to have good news to announce. Instead I will have bad news.

But at the next one I'll have good news to tell everyone.

Logically I know there was nothing I could have done to make those embryos stick, but emotionally I feel like maybe there was something I could have changed. I cant start doubting myself or my body.

Everything will be fine.

Now bring on my period so I can get it out of the way.

Why?

Why didn't those embies stick? Why?

Did I do something wrong? Should I have rested longer than I was told to? Should I have just let the boys get into stuff instead of constantly having to keep them out of trouble? Was it something in my diet? I took my meds at the same time every night, in the proper dosages so I know it wasnt that.

I should be happily pregnant right now. And M&B should be seeing their embryo sacs on an ultrasound right now.

We will be transferring again in July/early August. That seems so far away.

Its official

My beta yesterday was "less than 2". So I officially had a chemical pregnancy. I will stop my meds starting today and once my period returns I will get back on birth control pills and we'll start again. At least we'll be able to jump back into it right away.