Friday, June 6, 2008

Better today

I'm feeling much better today. I had an emotional moment yesterday but I'm fine now. Tomorrow is the quarterly surrogate support group meeting and I was hoping to have good news to announce. Instead I will have bad news.

But at the next one I'll have good news to tell everyone.

Logically I know there was nothing I could have done to make those embryos stick, but emotionally I feel like maybe there was something I could have changed. I cant start doubting myself or my body.

Everything will be fine.

Now bring on my period so I can get it out of the way.

3 comments:

Loree said...

Everything WILL be fine and it WILL work. I always say this, but it's just a matter of WHEN. No one is to blame, you guys just ended up on the wrong side of the coin toss this time. Most of the time there is NO explanation why it didn't work, it just didn't.

I'm sure you did everything in your power to make this work, as did M. I'm glad you are able to move on so quickly and that the DR will be changing up the protocol.

It will work this next time and you'll be able to call M. with that fantastic news.

Take care!

Deana said...

jen
don't be sad, it's the luck of the draw unfortunately. Is the Dr. changing things this time? Big hugs to you!!!!!!!!!

Kymberli said...

I didn't realize you were keeping a blog, but I'm glad that I've found yours.

The very same thing happened to me on my very first transfer back in 2004. I had a 3dt of 4 mediocre embryos. On 3dp3dt I got the first round of faint tests. I tested that morning and when it was darker in the evening I told my IM. The next morning at 4dp3dt, the line was still there, but no darker. By 5dp3dt, the line was nearly gone. The timing of my beta fell over 4th of July weekend, so I had to wait longer than normal for the first draw. My first beta wasn't until 14dp3dt. Between the first positive at 3dp3dt and the beta, I had THREE rounds of positives that went negative. Three. And each time I had to tell my IPs; of course they knew I was testing and wanted to be kept abreast of everything. It broke my heart each time I had to tell them that the line was gone again.

On the day of the beta at 14dp3dt, I had a super-faint line and my beta was 3. If I would have had my beta on 10dp3dt, it would have come back with a higher number, because I had a much darker line on that day.

It was the hardest thing and of course the first thing I wanted to do was blame myself. You get through, Jen. It's not easy but it does happen. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get ready for the next go of it.

I hope and pray that the next transfer is THE transfer. (((HUGS)))