Well my beta today was 6. Yes, just 6. The first positive test I had was 5 days after the transfer. So at that point my HCG had to be at least 15-20 to be picked up on a test. For it to be lower now means I had a chemical pregnancy. That's where the embryo implants and tries to grow, but something stops it from growing.
I've never had any kind of loss before, so for my first one to be someone else's potential children really makes me sad. If the embryos stopped growing, that means that there was something not quite right with them, but its still sad to know that those 2 embies are gone. Telling M the bad news was harder than I thought it would be. In fact, I couldn't even call her, I had to email her. I was crying when I called Chris to tell him so I knew I couldn't keep it together if I talked to her on the phone.
I was just so sure I was pregnant. And apparently I was, but only for a brief time. I have a re-draw on Monday where they will confirm the end of the pregnancy and will have me stop all of my meds. My period should return within a few days to a week or so afterwards.
And then we try again. And we'll try it again and again until we get it right. The end product is all that matters...a healthy baby or two for M&B.
Tomorrow we are celebrating Quinn's 2nd birthday. I had forgotten all about it since I've been so preoccupied lately. Luckily he's so young that he wont notice that he doesn't get a big party like Ian did for his birthday. We're going to the Mall of America, to the themepark inside (Nickelodeon Universe), and then to Rainforest Cafe for dinner. He'll have a good time, even though he will only get to ride a few of the rides. :)
Well the beta has come and gone. Now I can stop obsessing about it, and move on from here. Next time I wont be taking any tests. I will wait for the beta. I've learned my lesson!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Time stands still
Friday is an eternity away. I called Shady Grove and left a message for our nurse (yesterday) letting her know that I got some faint second lines on some tests, and if they want me to do an earlier beta I will. But she hasn't called me back yet. I'm not sure if she works Tuesdays or not. For some reason I have it in my brain that she doesn't. Hopefully I'm wrong and she calls me today.
Either way, I wont be updating until next week sometime. I am going to lay low for a bit and let M&B tell everyone themselves when we know for sure. And once its 'all clear' I will continue my blogging. I think I have more readers than I realize, and I know the word will spread quickly. So I will just 'disappear' from the blogosphere for a week or so. But if pregnancy is confirmed I know I'll have tons to write about. :)
So keep hoping, praying, thinking about us all.
Either way, I wont be updating until next week sometime. I am going to lay low for a bit and let M&B tell everyone themselves when we know for sure. And once its 'all clear' I will continue my blogging. I think I have more readers than I realize, and I know the word will spread quickly. So I will just 'disappear' from the blogosphere for a week or so. But if pregnancy is confirmed I know I'll have tons to write about. :)
So keep hoping, praying, thinking about us all.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Total chaos
So let me tell you about my chaotic weekend.
It all started Friday night...with a faint second line. Every test I had taken previously was totally negative. The space to the left of the control line was white as snow. But not this time. There was a line! Chris could see it so I knew I wasn't crazy. I was so excited and couldn't wait to tell M&B, but I wanted to be sure so I waited until Saturday morning and tested again. I took a strip test and there was a line but it was lighter than the one the night before. I took a digital and it said Not Pregnant.
Disappointment set in and I knew this was not going to be easy. I had imagined and planned out this wonderful scenario where I got a bright beautiful positive test, then took a digital test and recorded it on my camera as the test popped up to say "Pregnant". I was going to record an excited congratulatory message for M&B and send it to them. That's how it was supposed to happen. Instead, Saturday morning I cried and kept it to myself. My perfectly thought out plan wasn't going to happen. I was glad I hadn't told them yet.
Saturday night I decided I would test again. After all....false positives are incredibly rare. Let alone getting several of them. So I took another test, and the line came up darker than the previous tests. My hope was renewed. I was happy, yet reserved and nervous. If I tell them about these positive tests, will the next one I take be negative? Will that moment of excitement and joy be ripped away from all of us? I fretted about whether or not to tell them yet. I decided I would sleep on it and decide in the morning.
This morning's test was very faint. This is where I decided to STOP PEEING ON TESTS. It's only going to stress me out and drive us all crazy. I got several positive tests, although the darker lines were always in the evening, which is typically the reverse of how it should be. I sent M an email telling her what was going on and about the difference in the lines on the tests. I didnt want to disappoint her, but I also didnt want to get her hopes up just in case I ended up with the worst luck on the planet and got several false positives. I then decided to send her a picture of the test so she could see it for herself.
Today we are 7dp6dt. Still technically early for testing. I'm going with the feeling of "I'm pregnant" until proven otherwise. My blood test is on Friday the 30th, however they may move it up since I've gotten some positive tests. I do feel pregnant now. I have a feeling of fullness in my lower abdomen, with the pulling/stretching sensations I've felt previously with my own kids.
It all started Friday night...with a faint second line. Every test I had taken previously was totally negative. The space to the left of the control line was white as snow. But not this time. There was a line! Chris could see it so I knew I wasn't crazy. I was so excited and couldn't wait to tell M&B, but I wanted to be sure so I waited until Saturday morning and tested again. I took a strip test and there was a line but it was lighter than the one the night before. I took a digital and it said Not Pregnant.
Disappointment set in and I knew this was not going to be easy. I had imagined and planned out this wonderful scenario where I got a bright beautiful positive test, then took a digital test and recorded it on my camera as the test popped up to say "Pregnant". I was going to record an excited congratulatory message for M&B and send it to them. That's how it was supposed to happen. Instead, Saturday morning I cried and kept it to myself. My perfectly thought out plan wasn't going to happen. I was glad I hadn't told them yet.
Saturday night I decided I would test again. After all....false positives are incredibly rare. Let alone getting several of them. So I took another test, and the line came up darker than the previous tests. My hope was renewed. I was happy, yet reserved and nervous. If I tell them about these positive tests, will the next one I take be negative? Will that moment of excitement and joy be ripped away from all of us? I fretted about whether or not to tell them yet. I decided I would sleep on it and decide in the morning.
This morning's test was very faint. This is where I decided to STOP PEEING ON TESTS. It's only going to stress me out and drive us all crazy. I got several positive tests, although the darker lines were always in the evening, which is typically the reverse of how it should be. I sent M an email telling her what was going on and about the difference in the lines on the tests. I didnt want to disappoint her, but I also didnt want to get her hopes up just in case I ended up with the worst luck on the planet and got several false positives. I then decided to send her a picture of the test so she could see it for herself.
Today we are 7dp6dt. Still technically early for testing. I'm going with the feeling of "I'm pregnant" until proven otherwise. My blood test is on Friday the 30th, however they may move it up since I've gotten some positive tests. I do feel pregnant now. I have a feeling of fullness in my lower abdomen, with the pulling/stretching sensations I've felt previously with my own kids.
I ended up calling M because time had gone by and she hadn't checked her email. I figured it would be better to call anyways. It was a great conversation and I can tell they are excited but reserved, as anyone would be. In this situation its so much more nervewracking since so many peoples' futures and happiness are at stake and at this point, its hard to trust faint positives. Once we get the blood test back and my number is good, I think we'll all celebrate in our own way.
This weekend has been an emotional roller coaster. As a surrogate, its a lot of weight to bear to know that one little test carries the happiness of all involved parties. We want the fairytale experience....pregnant on the first try, no morning sickness, no health scares, easy labor & delivery, lifelong friendship with our IPs. I've read enough stories online to know that it rarely goes this well, but it CAN and it DOES. And I wont lose hope that we will have that fairytale experience.
So we all sit on pins and needles until the blood test. If it is negative, will I regret getting their hopes up with the faint lines I have gotten? M&B are wonderful IPs and I am very comfortable telling them anything and everything...but I don't want to be the reason for any sadness. But really...how common is it to get several false positive tests? I think its slim to none, so I am standing here and proclaiming that I am, indeed, pregnant and that M&B will be parents around 2/2/2009.
So we all sit on pins and needles until the blood test. If it is negative, will I regret getting their hopes up with the faint lines I have gotten? M&B are wonderful IPs and I am very comfortable telling them anything and everything...but I don't want to be the reason for any sadness. But really...how common is it to get several false positive tests? I think its slim to none, so I am standing here and proclaiming that I am, indeed, pregnant and that M&B will be parents around 2/2/2009.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Sick
I am so sick! I think I have a sinus infection or maybe just a really bad cold. My sinuses are clogged up so I have a sinus headache, my body aches, and I'm extremely tired. I wish I could sleep all day. And since I don't know my pregnancy status yet, I'm not taking any medicine. I'm not willing to chance it!
It all started on Tuesday with a sore throat. Ian has the sniffles and a stuffy nose too, and Quinn woke up today with a crusty gross nose. Chris seems to be the only one escaping it. At least the boys dont feel as miserable as I do...they are just going about their day normally while I camp out on the couch, dozing in and out.
It was horrible last night when we were watching the last episode of House. We had recorded it and watched it around 10 (well I watched it...Chris fell asleep!) and the last 20 minutes or so was just heartbreakingly sad. So I was bawling through it with clogged up sinuses...I was a big stuffy, runny mess.
Today is 4 days past our 6 day transfer. I took another test (I took one yesterday too) and it was negative. I know its still really early and everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't be testing yet. But it's so hard when I've got a ton of pregnancy tests laying around. I just want to keep going until I see that second pink line pop up! I *feel* pregnant, but I am also miserably sick too, so who knows. I'm staying positive though!
It all started on Tuesday with a sore throat. Ian has the sniffles and a stuffy nose too, and Quinn woke up today with a crusty gross nose. Chris seems to be the only one escaping it. At least the boys dont feel as miserable as I do...they are just going about their day normally while I camp out on the couch, dozing in and out.
It was horrible last night when we were watching the last episode of House. We had recorded it and watched it around 10 (well I watched it...Chris fell asleep!) and the last 20 minutes or so was just heartbreakingly sad. So I was bawling through it with clogged up sinuses...I was a big stuffy, runny mess.
Today is 4 days past our 6 day transfer. I took another test (I took one yesterday too) and it was negative. I know its still really early and everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't be testing yet. But it's so hard when I've got a ton of pregnancy tests laying around. I just want to keep going until I see that second pink line pop up! I *feel* pregnant, but I am also miserably sick too, so who knows. I'm staying positive though!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Updating from the road!
I was going to wait and update once we got home, but since I've got the laptop hooked up to Chris' phone and Loree requested an update, here it is! :)
The transfer was bumped to Sunday morning, making it a 6 day transfer. I had never heard of a 6 day before, but the nurse told me that they never go past 6 days so we didn't have to worry about being bumped again. That was good news considering we were leaving Sunday morning to drive back home!
M&B picked me up from the hotel at 7am and we headed to Rockville for the transfer. We ended up getting there pretty quickly since there was no traffic at all. I drank a bottle of water and before long my bladder was very full. We got to the clinic and signed in at 8am but ended up having to wait 30 minutes or so before we were called back. We must have looked very interesting to the other people in the waiting room because the nurse called "Jennifer and M" and we were of course followed by B. We all had a little giggle about that.
Once we were in the room and the doctor arrived, she talked to us about the remaining embryos and said she recommended that we transfer two. We were all in agreement about transferring 2 to begin with, so it was an easy decision! She threaded the catheter into my uterus, then called for the 2 best blastocysts from the lab. They brought them into the room in a tube and inserted it through the catheter. We watched on the ultrasound screen as she injected them into my uterus...we saw a little flash of light. It was a very neat experience! It was over as quick as it had begun and after a trip to the restroom we were ready to go. I hated to 'transfer and run' but Chris and the kids were there to pick me up so we could head home. We drove to Dayton, OH afterwards and I had my feet up on the dash the whole time. It was the best way I could do my 24 hours of bedrest. We are currently about 3 hours from home and just passed by Wisconsin Dells where all the waterparks are.
Physically I am feeling good. This morning I was very tired and slept for several hours in the car. I also felt some little pinchy feelings in my uterus area and I am hoping it was implantation! I have a little bit of breast tenderness but that could also be from the hormones in my injections. Its so funny how you analyze every little twinge when you're hoping to be pregnant. I did the same thing when I was trying to get pregnant with my own kids. I have read online that with a 6 day transfer the blasts implant very quickly, usually within 24 hours, and they start producing HCG quickly as well. I may be crazy but I will probably start testing on Wednesday since I know of someone who received a positive on the 3rd day after transfer. Or I may wait until Thursday or Friday to have a better chance of seeing a positive. Once I get a positive I will let M&B know first, of course, and let them tell their friends & family. I will wait to post it on here because I want them to be the ones to let everyone know. I probably wont wait too long to post on here because I know there are several people who read this who don't know M&B and will be anxiously awaiting the news. ;)
So there's the big update! If I have any more 'symptoms' I will be sure to post them. And maybe if the clinic emails M a picture of her babies I can share the photo on here (with any personal details cropped out, of course!)
The transfer was bumped to Sunday morning, making it a 6 day transfer. I had never heard of a 6 day before, but the nurse told me that they never go past 6 days so we didn't have to worry about being bumped again. That was good news considering we were leaving Sunday morning to drive back home!
M&B picked me up from the hotel at 7am and we headed to Rockville for the transfer. We ended up getting there pretty quickly since there was no traffic at all. I drank a bottle of water and before long my bladder was very full. We got to the clinic and signed in at 8am but ended up having to wait 30 minutes or so before we were called back. We must have looked very interesting to the other people in the waiting room because the nurse called "Jennifer and M" and we were of course followed by B. We all had a little giggle about that.
Once we were in the room and the doctor arrived, she talked to us about the remaining embryos and said she recommended that we transfer two. We were all in agreement about transferring 2 to begin with, so it was an easy decision! She threaded the catheter into my uterus, then called for the 2 best blastocysts from the lab. They brought them into the room in a tube and inserted it through the catheter. We watched on the ultrasound screen as she injected them into my uterus...we saw a little flash of light. It was a very neat experience! It was over as quick as it had begun and after a trip to the restroom we were ready to go. I hated to 'transfer and run' but Chris and the kids were there to pick me up so we could head home. We drove to Dayton, OH afterwards and I had my feet up on the dash the whole time. It was the best way I could do my 24 hours of bedrest. We are currently about 3 hours from home and just passed by Wisconsin Dells where all the waterparks are.
Physically I am feeling good. This morning I was very tired and slept for several hours in the car. I also felt some little pinchy feelings in my uterus area and I am hoping it was implantation! I have a little bit of breast tenderness but that could also be from the hormones in my injections. Its so funny how you analyze every little twinge when you're hoping to be pregnant. I did the same thing when I was trying to get pregnant with my own kids. I have read online that with a 6 day transfer the blasts implant very quickly, usually within 24 hours, and they start producing HCG quickly as well. I may be crazy but I will probably start testing on Wednesday since I know of someone who received a positive on the 3rd day after transfer. Or I may wait until Thursday or Friday to have a better chance of seeing a positive. Once I get a positive I will let M&B know first, of course, and let them tell their friends & family. I will wait to post it on here because I want them to be the ones to let everyone know. I probably wont wait too long to post on here because I know there are several people who read this who don't know M&B and will be anxiously awaiting the news. ;)
So there's the big update! If I have any more 'symptoms' I will be sure to post them. And maybe if the clinic emails M a picture of her babies I can share the photo on here (with any personal details cropped out, of course!)
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Hello from Annapolis!
We arrived, safe and sound, in Annapolis on Wednesday evening. The drive wasn't too bad. The boys were surprisingly very good throughout the whole trip. We rented a van with a DVD system so Ian watched a Tom & Jerry DVD over and over and over (not for lack of trying to get him to watch something else!), and Quinn just slept and sang and played with some toys.
We didn't transfer today. It got bumped to Saturday. So we're officially doing a 5 day transfer. M's egg retrieval yielded 22 eggs, of which 16 were mature and 10 fertilized. As of this morning all 10 were still going strong. Hopefully tomorrow's fert report will be great as well, so that even after we transfer 2 (and in 9 months deliver 1 or 2 healthy babies) there will be plenty left to freeze for the future. I'd hate for M to have to go through the stim & retrieval process again. It doesn't sound too pleasant!
We all went over to one of M&B's friends' house earlier today for a cookout and to socialize a bit. The boys had a great time with K's children (and hopefully weren't too destructive!) and we had a great time talking and getting to know M&B better. It was such a nice day today...it was perfect for spending time outside. The boys crashed when we got back to the hotel, and Chris & I stayed up to watch our Thursday night line up. I cant believe Lost is on at 10pm on the East coast. I could barely keep my eyes open and Chris fell asleep halfway through it. :)
Tomorrow we shall tackle Chuck E Cheese in the morning, and then in the afternoon/evening sometime we will probably go to dinner with M&B and M's parents who are coming into town. I'm sure we'll do some sight seeing around lunchtime as well. I am dying for some GOOD seafood. You can't go to Maryland and not eat crab!
My next update will come after the transfer on Saturday! It's the moment we've all been waiting for!
We didn't transfer today. It got bumped to Saturday. So we're officially doing a 5 day transfer. M's egg retrieval yielded 22 eggs, of which 16 were mature and 10 fertilized. As of this morning all 10 were still going strong. Hopefully tomorrow's fert report will be great as well, so that even after we transfer 2 (and in 9 months deliver 1 or 2 healthy babies) there will be plenty left to freeze for the future. I'd hate for M to have to go through the stim & retrieval process again. It doesn't sound too pleasant!
We all went over to one of M&B's friends' house earlier today for a cookout and to socialize a bit. The boys had a great time with K's children (and hopefully weren't too destructive!) and we had a great time talking and getting to know M&B better. It was such a nice day today...it was perfect for spending time outside. The boys crashed when we got back to the hotel, and Chris & I stayed up to watch our Thursday night line up. I cant believe Lost is on at 10pm on the East coast. I could barely keep my eyes open and Chris fell asleep halfway through it. :)
Tomorrow we shall tackle Chuck E Cheese in the morning, and then in the afternoon/evening sometime we will probably go to dinner with M&B and M's parents who are coming into town. I'm sure we'll do some sight seeing around lunchtime as well. I am dying for some GOOD seafood. You can't go to Maryland and not eat crab!
My next update will come after the transfer on Saturday! It's the moment we've all been waiting for!
Monday, May 12, 2008
22!
She had 22 eggs retrieved! Woohoo!!
Lets all send M some good thoughts and well wishes, as she's in some pain.
Lets all send M some good thoughts and well wishes, as she's in some pain.
And away we go!
Well we are heading out in the morning! We will stay the night tomorrow night in Ohio with some relatives, then drive over to the DC area on Wednesday. We were originally going to fly but last minute plane tickets are INSANELY expensive and we like driving anyways. Plus it will be easier on the kids to not have to sit still and be quiet like they would have to do on a plane. We are renting a car with a DVD player for the trip so they should be fairly entertained!
Today is M's egg retrieval. I dont know if she had it already or not but I cant wait to hear the results! Hopefully they get lots of big juicy eggs and lots of them fertilize.
I've added PIO injections back into the mix as of last night. I dont know what it is...maybe because its pretty thick...but it sure makes me sore! The Delestrogen never bothers me but the PIO sure does. And I've got 12-13 weeks more of it! haha
Well I will update after the transfer. It's set for Thursday if we do a 3 day transfer, or Saturday if we end up doing a 5 day. I dont know what the criteria is for each type, but I know we all want whichever way that will maximize our chances for success.
My friends at the surrogacy agency are cheering me on this week. Its so wonderful to have so much support!
Today is M's egg retrieval. I dont know if she had it already or not but I cant wait to hear the results! Hopefully they get lots of big juicy eggs and lots of them fertilize.
I've added PIO injections back into the mix as of last night. I dont know what it is...maybe because its pretty thick...but it sure makes me sore! The Delestrogen never bothers me but the PIO sure does. And I've got 12-13 weeks more of it! haha
Well I will update after the transfer. It's set for Thursday if we do a 3 day transfer, or Saturday if we end up doing a 5 day. I dont know what the criteria is for each type, but I know we all want whichever way that will maximize our chances for success.
My friends at the surrogacy agency are cheering me on this week. Its so wonderful to have so much support!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Appointments
Well I had my last pre-transfer appointments this morning! My uterine lining is a 9 with a triple striped lining (which is exactly what we needed!) and my bloodwork results just came in: Estradiol (E2) is at 1500 and my Progesterone (P4) is at 1.8. So I am ready to rock!
M's stimming seems to have gone even better and more quickly than was planned so we will probably be moving the transfer up. It was originally set for either May 17th or 19th, but now its looking like early next week! I will update when we all know for sure. I'm eagerly anticipating the phonecall from my nurse this afternoon. I'm going to have to bump our plane tickets up and change the car rental as well. How exciting that both of our bodies are ready to go RIGHT NOW!
M's stimming seems to have gone even better and more quickly than was planned so we will probably be moving the transfer up. It was originally set for either May 17th or 19th, but now its looking like early next week! I will update when we all know for sure. I'm eagerly anticipating the phonecall from my nurse this afternoon. I'm going to have to bump our plane tickets up and change the car rental as well. How exciting that both of our bodies are ready to go RIGHT NOW!
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